Get To The Choppa!

Becoming a man is no trivial matter, and I even suspect nobody really knows how to do it. The more I grew up, the more I realized our minds don't simply flip a switch at a certain age, and the same probably hasn't happened to the ones I used to see as adults by excellence. Regardless, we still face the external or self-imposed demand for manhood and its social status, and keep looking for a reference that we could follow

I know that sounds cliche, but we live at a time of extremes: old concepts of masculinity have been recklessly deconstructed on the pretext of social critic, promoting emasculation, and some new wave of overcompensated “retvrn” – as always happens when we get rid of something important out of convenience – has produced a caricature of masculinity that's little more than self-indulgence in a modern world that's supposedly not worth your care

If that's not clear already, I dislike both, in a visceral manner. I don't find answers in them, I don't even see a genuine attempt to find answers. There are just predetermined formulas to appear as either a nice guy or an alpha male to the rest of society – women, specially

For a long time, I have [truly] struggled to avoid that dichotomy, and seeing many young men, close ones even, falling for it teared me apart countless times. But as much as I wanted to provide some alternative, it always seemed pretentious to try that. I'm not wise, not even of average wisdom, and kept lagging behind people my age when it comes to maturity. Even so, there are things I wish to say, and a I have decided to at least leave them here for the record

I know there is kind of a third option, that seems more well-balanced: a religious life. I have my appreciation for religion (for not so “spiritual”, emotional or utilitarian reasons), but I sincerely find the typical approach of religious people extremely frustrating: if you open up about an issue, most of the time you won't find someone trying to understand, but looking constantly for an opportunity to start proselytizing. Your story is again just a hook for canned talking points

The problem is, for whoever comes across this and finds it worth a shot, that you will be reading from someone who failed. Almost 3 years ago i was already on shaky grounds, when the disastrous end of a relationship attempt and losing my father out of nowhere, in quick succession, honestly shattered most of the motivation I had in life. I don't want anyone to pity me, but the context is relevant for weighting the value of my advice. On the other hand, that lack of something to lose may help me being more honest, or maybe that's just a cop-out

Talking about cop-outs, I think the main theme of what I have to say is threading this fine line between seeing painful things for what they are and grasping something precious in them, without delusions. We (sorry if I'm sharing the blame with you unfairly) love the feeling of rubbing hard truths on the face of somebody else, but are we willing to accept our inconveniences without excuses or cynicism? It hurts, it may devour you from inside out, but the alternative is wasting the single chance you have (allegedly) living an untruthful life, the ultimate pointlessness

Even if life ultimately has no meaning, that would be a truth, and this is your only opportunity to find that out by yourself. If something makes sense, no time is wasted looking for it, if nothing does, there's no concept of “wasted time” for you to lament

Getting to the point, knowing who you are and understanding the situation you're in seem to me the way to move forward. That includes occasionally accepting, to some extent, that you're not hot stuff and not meant to be. I would even say that this potential series here is intended specially for you who suck in life, because that's my perspective

Don't take me wrong, I refuse to push yet another pseudo-self-derogatory rhetoric to convince people to take pride in mediocrity, with the resentful undertones of “I live in the real world, unlike those ideal guys”. You should feel genuinely bad for your shortcomings, but avoid selling your soul to pretend you're someone else, the price paid by both “evolved” and “red-pilled” men

Abusing Internet jargon, most of us are natural “betas”, as those are almost by definition a majority. We get the scraps because some have to, because there are no places at the table for everybody, because people are different and some will come out at the top. You either fight a losing battle against reality or make the most out of it without losing yourself, the only thing you get a chance to keep until the end

The latter is what I wish to figure out along the way. I hope we learn how to navigate those waters and find a tolerable place for our true selves in this world